The Only Thing I can do without Messing Up

Death is such a hard thing to take.

I was about to write an article today regarding the result of Adspeak but I decided, instead of rejoicing I would like to share the burden of a friend.

I really couldn’t say “Kuya, kaya mo yan” because I really do not know how it feels, how is it to have somebody really close to you suddenly died before you can even say “thanks for everything” or “i love you.”

For some of us, we are very lucky to have our parents, brothers, sisters and friends. But most of the time, we find it hard to balance our attention and our time. Sometimes, we end up regretting over things that could have been fixed but it is already too late.

Let us not take things for granted. Say sorry to the people we hurt, say “I love you” for the people we love. Let us cherish every moment of friendship and camaraderie to those who are dear to us. Let us forget pride and drive away our anger and focus more on making our time more productive by spending decent amount of time to every person we love.

Sadly, sometimes, death is a lesson to us. To teach us how to care, how to love, how to value people who we take for granted. Sometimes, death is a way of God to see what we need the most, what we will miss the most and what we should treasure the most.

But, more often that not, only until death comes that we realize what we should have done.

I am guilty of giving more time to study (yeah, I study too honestly), more time to check my facebook updates, more time to go out with friends but less time with my family. I am too focused for my own gains not realizing I may only have today or this hour to be with any of them.

To kuya, maybe I cannot really say the perfect words to console you or maybe I will never find the right words. Only time will help you see that things happen for a greater reason. Break down if you must. Let your tears flow freely. Let others see you weak. Show to them that you are still a human capable of feeling sorrow and sadness. But, be sure to get tired beating yourself. Get a rest and move on. Use your  happy memory with him as your strength, as your guide. I am sure your father loved you. Without his words, his love and his guidance, you will not be the person I know today.

We will miss the smile etched in your face and the laughters and jokes everytime you enter our beloved fortress. But we are sure that it will come back as soon as you rebuild again yourself.

Nay, Tay, Ates, Kuyas, Friends. Let me share my love to you today, tomorrow and the rest of the days of my life.

Just Another Day

Today is just another day. But simply explosive.

I was shocked because I was able to convince myself to wake up early relative to my usual waking up hour. Though I promised not to procrastinate anymore, I couldn’t resist. It runs in my vein, it runs in my “future” profession. Rushing things is part of a journalist life. You can’t prepare for a breaking news or an advertising strategy proposal. My future life counts seconds and minutes, and not hours and days.

After my defensive approach to justify my bad student behavior, I checked my Facebook account only to find out one of the kinds of news that I really don’t want to hear. Death. Former AFP Chief of Staff Angelo Reyes allegedly committed suicide dramatically in front of her mother’s grave.

It was too heavy to bear. I was fantasizing before that this day would come (because I have personal hatred against him due to his disloyalty to my favorite president, 🙂 but now that it already happened, it is just too much. There are many things he could have done if he is only alive. He could protect himself, his family, and his country from the deregatory conspiracy theory and remarks from “perfect citizens of the world.”

But he chose the easier way for him to escape from the harsh reality that may or may not be awaiting him.

Coincidently, today is the birthday of our beloved president. But I don’t care so much about him. Maybe I’ll give him due credit if I can feel his promise of matuwid na daan instead of mahal na daan.

I wrote (typed) this article inside the Inquirer Newsroom in my beloved college. It is really fun to write blogs and opinions about your daily experiences but it is really tiring writing a required article.

There are many things that we need to understand in order to understand more things. Today is just another day for me to understand people better. I am too happy to see an old friend commenting on my status (I thought she already forgotten my existence). I am also too happy to see the answer from another old friend to my question. Hopefully she finds her time to talk with us and mend what was broken.

As my favorite koreanovela said, if there is one thing you cannot cut, it is connection.

Hahahaha. Today, another day to goof around.

Unang Dugo

Ang dami kong nais sabihin.

Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nangako ako sa aking sarili na ito na talaga ang huling “blogsite” na gagawin ko at pupunan ng aking mga kwento at damdamin. Kani-kanina lang, marami na akong mga letrang naisulat ngunit puro hinanakit lamang at sama ng loob ang aking nailabas. Naisip ko, napapagod na ako. At ayoko na.

Ang dami kong ginagawa. Ngayon nga ay dapat nagsusulat ako ng isa na namang artikel para sa isang kurso ko. Ngunit, alam kong marami akong nais sabihin. Gusto ko nga minsang sumigaw. Umiyak at tumawa. Nais kong isipin na nilang nawawala na ako sa katinuan. Para naman maranasan ko na kahit isang araw man lang ay wala akong iniisip na dapat kong gawin. Na wala akong iniisip na pamantayang dapat kong sundin.

Marami akong nais gawin. Ngunit madalas, hindi rin natutuloy dahil isa akong batikang ningas kugon. Ngunit naisip kong wala akong patutunguhan. Buti na nga lang, sa loob ng halos isang taon ko sa kolehiyo ng pammadlang komunikasyon ay naging masaya at tahimik naman ang aking pamumuhay. Nabuhay ako bilang isang bagong tao, bilang isang bagong estudyante. Nabuhay ang aking mga pangarap na nais kong maabot. At ngayon, tila sinasabi nila sa akin na kaya ko silang abutin.

Marami akong nais malaman. Ngayon nga lamang, nalaman ko ang sunod-sunod na pagtaas ng mga bilihin, ng mga bagay na makakaapekto sa buhay ng maraming tao. Nais kong malaman, bakit ganito ang nangyayari? Asan ang matuwid na daan? Ito na ba yon? Baka naman sa una lang ang hirap, at sa susunod ay magiging maayos rin ang lahat. Bakit andaming namamatay na lamang ng biglaan? Bakit andaming nawawalan ng tirahan? Bakit maraming wala talagang tirahan? Nais ko talagang malaman ang mga kasagutan sa mga iyan.

Marami pang bagay. Marami pa.